How To Choose Happiness and Freedom Show

Authentic INaction with Renee' Dineen

March 10, 2021 Lauren G. Foster
How To Choose Happiness and Freedom Show
Authentic INaction with Renee' Dineen
Chapters
How To Choose Happiness and Freedom Show
Authentic INaction with Renee' Dineen
Mar 10, 2021
Lauren G. Foster

Thought Leader Renee' Dineen is a self-proclaimed "action junkie". Her interview is amazing and will free you from your compulsion to DO.

Free yourself from your "to-do" list! Learn to pause and choose and own your time and energy. Awesome interview!

Renée Dineen

Founder and CEO of Deep Tissue Living Institute

Book: https://www.amazon.com/Art-Truth-Transformation-Women-Consciously-ebook/dp/B08JWTFH2G/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1O7T6FTLVK74V&dchild=1&keywords=the+art+and+truth+of+transformation+for+women&qid=1613710251&sprefix=art+and+truth+of+transform%2Caps%2C221&sr=8-1

Ted Talk:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBzZ6rYDm2g&t=16s

 Websites:

www.reneedineen.com

www.authenticinaction.com

You create your life. We are teaching you to create your life on purpose. Happiness and Freedom are your birthright!  

We have curated an AMAZING Happiness and Health Package with 9 amazing teachers and a TON of free gifts: guides, video series, e-courses, meditations and more! Go grab that here! https://www.behappyfirst.org/July

Here’s your direct link to some free guided meditations! Check out the General Meditation or the Connect with Your Body Meditation to get back in touch with your sacred physical form. Love, respect, communication… the basics for any great relationship. When you have a great relationship with Your Body, Your Body will give you everything you want!  https://www.behappyfirst.org/meditate

Watch or listen to past episodes of The How To Choose Happiness and Freedom Show on the Be Happy First Website. https://www.behappyfirst.org/show 

Learn the 5 Secrets to Being Happy and Free here! https://www.behappyfirst.org/journalplaybook 

I love you and I'm so glad you're here!  

Be sure to subscribe to this channel, "like and follow" the Be Happy First Facebook Page  

https://www.facebook.com/behappyfirst/

Join our PRIVATE Facebook Group Be Happy First Together for deeper conversations and support. https://www.facebook.com/groups/1252277614898225/ 

Welcome to the Be Happy First Tribe! Remember, Happiness is a Choice! You can always choose to Be Happy First!  

Show Notes Transcript

Thought Leader Renee' Dineen is a self-proclaimed "action junkie". Her interview is amazing and will free you from your compulsion to DO.

Free yourself from your "to-do" list! Learn to pause and choose and own your time and energy. Awesome interview!

Renée Dineen

Founder and CEO of Deep Tissue Living Institute

Book: https://www.amazon.com/Art-Truth-Transformation-Women-Consciously-ebook/dp/B08JWTFH2G/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1O7T6FTLVK74V&dchild=1&keywords=the+art+and+truth+of+transformation+for+women&qid=1613710251&sprefix=art+and+truth+of+transform%2Caps%2C221&sr=8-1

Ted Talk:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBzZ6rYDm2g&t=16s

 Websites:

www.reneedineen.com

www.authenticinaction.com

You create your life. We are teaching you to create your life on purpose. Happiness and Freedom are your birthright!  

We have curated an AMAZING Happiness and Health Package with 9 amazing teachers and a TON of free gifts: guides, video series, e-courses, meditations and more! Go grab that here! https://www.behappyfirst.org/July

Here’s your direct link to some free guided meditations! Check out the General Meditation or the Connect with Your Body Meditation to get back in touch with your sacred physical form. Love, respect, communication… the basics for any great relationship. When you have a great relationship with Your Body, Your Body will give you everything you want!  https://www.behappyfirst.org/meditate

Watch or listen to past episodes of The How To Choose Happiness and Freedom Show on the Be Happy First Website. https://www.behappyfirst.org/show 

Learn the 5 Secrets to Being Happy and Free here! https://www.behappyfirst.org/journalplaybook 

I love you and I'm so glad you're here!  

Be sure to subscribe to this channel, "like and follow" the Be Happy First Facebook Page  

https://www.facebook.com/behappyfirst/

Join our PRIVATE Facebook Group Be Happy First Together for deeper conversations and support. https://www.facebook.com/groups/1252277614898225/ 

Welcome to the Be Happy First Tribe! Remember, Happiness is a Choice! You can always choose to Be Happy First!  

Lauren Gabrielle Foster:

Hello, and welcome to today's episode of the hatch choose happiness and freedom Show. I'm your host, Lauren foster happiness teacher and founder of the happy first. And I'm continuing on my awesome and fun and joyful quest of having all of my sister authors in the art and truth of transformation for women on the show, and I'm happy, happy, happy, happy today to have with me, Rene Dineen. I didn't ask you before, if that's how you pronounce your name. I hope it is. Right. Awesome. Thank you so much for being here.

Renee' Dineen:

Thank you for inviting me.

Lauren Gabrielle Foster:

Yeah, awesome. So, um, Renee has, of course, an awesome chapter in the book in the TED talk, and where wherever you're watching or listening to this, just look below. And we'll give you links to go and listen to her TED Talk, which is awesome. And all of the other things that we're going to talk about today will be documented, so that you can follow up and learn more about anything that interests you. So tell us where they tell us your story, let us get to know you a little bit about a little bit about you.

Renee' Dineen:

Um, wow, where to start? Well, I'll try to keep maybe it focused on the topic of, you know, choosing our life I've had about five years ago, I made a difficult yet very empowering decision to leave my corporate life, my corporate identity that had really fed me at my soul and my heart and my head in really meaningful ways for over 20 years, I loved I love work, I love contributing through work. But I had gotten to a point in my life where it had, how I describe it, as you know, my working and doing life had me as opposed to me having it. And for me, to really create a different sense of freedom and flow in my day to day life, I did need to leave. I don't know that that's the case for everyone. But that was a decision I made to choose a different flow and ease in my life. And also at that time, as I am now I really wanted to contribute in communities and industries and organizations that are not just, you know, the biotech world when I was in. And so there was a part of my decision that was about expansion, but a bigger part of my decision about minimizing my, the time I spend on my doing life and my working life and coming into greater choice and greater freedom.

Lauren Gabrielle Foster:

That's awesome. And so the, the big thing that we're coming around to is the doing as an addiction. And that really did, making yourself feel good by doing something, whether it is whether you want to or not. And then the notion of authentic inaction. And that that's, I totally love all of this, I thought of something that while you were talking, oh, the the path that you find yourself on, like in the corporate world, and like sometimes we don't choose our path, we just kind of wind up there through, you know, a series of circumstances and the the beliefs that we have about what we're supposed to do, and other best phrases that I don't like I don't like supposed to, I don't like have to, I like can't. So, so you made this decision to leave your corporate life and then then what?

Renee' Dineen:

Well, I love what you're what you're honing in on, which is that I would say for most of my life, I chose it, you know, I chose to work 60 hours a week, I chose to take an expat assignment overseas I, I chose to pursue, you know, global at, you know, higher high level roles. So that wasn't something that I was a victim to, I really chose it. And I knew I was a doer, from the time I was a child, this wasn't something that just was manifested in the workplace. I had always been a doer or a planner, I'd always been a busy person, you know, and busy, was revered, right? Busy, was encouraged busy, was cool. And so I just think what I awoke to later in my life, was the pitfalls of that life and really coming into greater choice around the other parts of my life that would have been, you know, the volume had been turned down on or I had neglected including being a mother who could be fully present in the moments when children needed her to be a wife that was more present, you know, to be at home more you know, all of those other things that we sometimes willingly and other times, unconsciously, neglect as we pursue our call, you know, are working and contribution or work or you know, the part of our life where it feels like we are in full contribution, right something that maybe feels uniquely our so for me my doing life was a big part of my identity, I would say I was known for it. So flash forward to five years ago. When I left, not long after I had made that decision, and I really started to name it as an addiction, because for me, I wasn't in control of it. For me, it was taking more than it was giving, for me it was disrupting my life and those in my life and unhealthy ways. And so naming it as an addiction helps me not only acknowledge its impact, but in a way stay in recovery. Which is the reason I did the TED Talk is to one, name it as an addiction so that other people could maybe also kind of find their way into that addiction and discover options for finding their way out if that's what they chose. But I also mostly did it just to it's part of my own recovery and to stay in my own work to really stay accountable to what I feel was an unhealthy addiction and, and commit myself to this new way of doing my doing life. So, right. Okay, so

Lauren Gabrielle Foster:

let's define addiction as as something that you do, because it feels good, even though it's not good for you that it often is, like most addictions, and you're this one as well. There needs to be some sort of, how did you figure out that this was a problem for you, you talked about the physical manifestations that that happened for you. Do you want to share a little bit about that?

Renee' Dineen:

Yeah, um, I mean, I've so I've been a chronic Insomniac, since I was started working. I've always been a night owl, you know, I can remember taking night classes in college, you know, being in the sorority house up till two studying and then not taking a class till 10. You know, I just, I that was my rhythm. So that doesn't help. And I've learned since it's a genetic trait, my mother's a night owl, my daughter tonight Oh, my grandmother was a night owl. So it's in there also doing attics. So it's modeled quite well in my life. And I was modeling it for my daughter. And so, you know, naming as an addiction, for me was important, because the physical manifestations were the most obvious I started having a stutter, I started having tremors, I wasn't sleeping. I just couldn't settle my nervous system, I was no longer I mean, yoga, meditation, you know, I just that was like a band aid. And so I started to get worried my doctor thought I had multiple sclerosis, I did not, thankfully, it was just stressed. But to recognize that I was doing this to myself, and I'd always been a very health conscious person was alarming, at best. And then I think the relational aspect of it. My mother was a workaholic, and was absent a lot. And as my children, that time were, I guess, eight and 10, I was really realizing I, they didn't know me as well as I wanted them to know me. And I didn't know them as well as I wanted to know them. And, and that was really a matter of lack of quality time. We were living overseas, and we traveled a lot for five years. And that was our quality time. But when I moved back in 2014, that quality time vehicle was no longer you know, easy. Just life here isn't the same as life there. And, and so I had to make some other choices. Yeah. So my relationships, my physical health, and then my relationships were my two biggest drivers

Lauren Gabrielle Foster:

that prompted you to make some changes. And so in, you know, I want to kind of delve a little bit more into this because as I, as I go through people in my mind, I'm going, Oh, this this person is like this, this person's like this, and then different life stages. So, but back when I was younger, and working in corporate sales, I was I was like that going 24 hours a day. But I was thriving. And when I didn't want to do that anymore, I didn't do it anymore. So that and it wasn't really even that hard. So I didn't really have doing addiction. I was just in a phase of my life that it was appropriate. Does that does that make does that?

Renee' Dineen:

that distinction is really important. I think that distinction is really important. And for me a story that I had around being a working mom being an expat being a global executive being blocked, but you know, those were all parts of my identity that justified my addiction. And for many years, I sort of, well, I would say I chose it right? No one forced me to do that. I think that it became more of a justification. It was way more for me than a phase of my life. Do you need to you know, work your way up, right? There's all these narratives out there that also enforce that. So I don't want to like invalidate that reality that those become very embedded in our in our forefront. How Ever. I don't believe that anymore. And I don't believe that a 20 or 30 something year old should believe it either. I think it's kind of BS.

Lauren Gabrielle Foster:

Yeah, it's, it's an either or proposition. And we don't do either or we do Yes. And you can't be busy and be contributing and getting things done. And also be who you are, and get plenty of rest and take good good care of yourself and feel good, and not be the victim of stress, right? We used to have it all.

Renee' Dineen:

I mean, and my best boss was my first boss. And she said to me, as a working mom at the time, you know, Renee, you can have it all, just not at the same time. And I was like, Huh, no, I'm, uh, I'm gonna have it all I'm gonna have all the same time. You know, I just I think I'll thank you. But yeah, no, that's, I don't I don't believe that. And she was right. Of course, she was right. But she wisdom on her that I didn't have. And so I really I take that quote, and I every person I mentor or coach, if it seems important to say I say it as a reminder to myself, and by the way, you know, adding later and you don't want to because instead of just tasting everything, you know, I'd rather savor it. I'd rather be with it, take it all for what it's worth and enjoy it fully before, you know, taking the next meal. So that was also I think a choice point is, you know, kind of quality over quantity. And and then that became another maybe strategy a way for me to slow down and, and to say no, so that also I could say yes to the right things. Yeah, I think I at some point as well got myself. So yes, in that I was having to say no to the things I really wanted to say yes to write, you know, my tank was just overflowing. And so at some point, I think we might we're all faced with that decision. Am I saying yes? Because I want to Am I saying yes, because this fully aligns with who I am and what he did. And even organizationally, I do strategy consulting, and I have yet to see an organization that is masterful at saying no, and saying no, because they're so crystal clear about where they're going, what they're up to, and what's required. So that really isn't, I think, a mature a kind of a executive functioning mastery for an organization and haven't met them yet. So I'm searching I'm looking and I'm trying to help create them, but definitely not not finding many.

Lauren Gabrielle Foster:

Well, this is this is leading edge stop our culture, like you said, bubbly Lee built statues to people who work themselves to that, you know, we prize that we, you know, we I'm also primal health coach, and one of the big things that's so important is sleep in our culture. And we brag about how much sleep we got, as opposed to the rest of the world, they you know, they think they're doing something amazing because they only sleep four hours a night. And it's they're proud of that. And so you're you're at a place where you're changing the actual culture of our society. So thank you.

Renee' Dineen:

Right, I'm gonna demystify our obsession with dizziness, but it's, you know, and stay in my own recovery. As I say, I always say I'm not there yet. I still say yes. When I should have said no and right. Yeah, I'm still tempted to you know, do it all I still have a little bit of fear of missing out, you know, all that stuff is still very true.

Lauren Gabrielle Foster:

All of that is still true. Alright, so talk to me about how I sell my women especially who you know, when I like you have a good morning ritual where you spend some time meditating you spend some time with yourself new journal, and, you know, start your day intentionally. And this is inconceivable to them. They're like, I when am I supposed to do that? I get up and I care for my children. I care for my pets. I care for my husband, I care for my house, I do my job. And even 10 minutes in the morning seems inconceivable to them. To me that's a big giant red flag that you're not managing your life you're saying yes to too many things. But well, what are some other symptoms of the doing addiction?

Renee' Dineen:

Huh? symptoms? So yep, there's there's the physical, there's really, you know, I think there's this inner knowing almost, it usually manifests as guilt or obligation or duty. where you are, you say yes, and you're there but you feel, you know, almost like a breaking open like a attention almost. Some people like I know I've done it again, when you know, my pit in my stomach, my heart starts to just feel tight, my throat locks up. So I think there's first and foremost paying attention. Your body knows what's going on first, before your head in your heart. You know, your body kind of takes the first set of beatings and so I really tuning into that and using that kind of gut sense or if it's from him You're here, that's fine. But I know that that initial like, I just give me time to think, do I really want to do that? So that's more of a strategy. But I think that that's sick. The signal is your body, listening and tuning in. I think the other signal is amount of sleep. That's a good one. My second TED Talk. title is confessions of an insomniac, which I haven't pitched yet. And it kind of goes into the dark world of a true Insomniac, it isn't just a few restless nights, this is a chronic, you know, I don't know if it's considered a disease, but it's a chronic manifestation of our overdoing life of our of our stressful lives, busy lives, unfinished lives, you know, and so it's keeping us awake. And until we value sleep more than most anything else, any other self care practice, or at a disadvantage, you know, we're not going to show up, fully awake, alert, and tune in touch present, it's just impossible. So I think your sleep pattern is a good signal on how are you living your life? I don't know if this directly speaks to your question, but what you describe to me as your morning practices or ritual, and I think I just did a podcast where I talk about roles, relationships, and rituals that really allow us to step into our full power and our full femininity. And for me, I have many, I mean, rituals around sleep around meditation. Yes, girlfriend, weekends, you know, every few months, I spend some time just with my girlfriends, travel is a ritual for me. I'm working out massages, chiropractic care, right? So what are those things that I can count on that feed me that fill me back up that nourish me, that are in my control, and that keep me you know, fully integrated kind of head heart body, and to have a good healthy set of those rather than just wake up and kind of take life as it comes. So that that's what I that's what I heard when you talked about your morning practice. And I would say, you know, have rituals have many rituals, because those are the things we can count on the ground as we come back to, and they just keep us, you know, in a way and in a healthy check, to say go check yourself, but we kind of do because the world will check it for us if we don't do it. So

Lauren Gabrielle Foster:

absolutely. And I love that the primary The thing that I think is most helpful about meditation is it teaches you to be able to pause and give yourself a second to choose your response instead of just reacting all day long. And then not being pleased with your reaction and finding that you've said yes to 20 things. Yeah,

Renee' Dineen:

we've all done that. And you know, one of the practices, it says, pay attention, like almost just a self observation, when that happens, because it will and in my TED talk, I say Step four is, you know, choose and you might fail to give it a go. But you might say yes, when you should have said no need to sort of sit with that discomfort, right? Be with it, acknowledge it, and then let it go and move on and choose again. And so I think, you know, it's just this, it becomes a habit to say yes. And so kind of undoing the doing is reversing the habit or either replacing it with a new, more healthy habit or the authentic inaction that you reference, the practice, the concept of my TED Talk is giving yourself just enough space between kind of the, the invitation, the stimulus, the ask, and your choice around that ask that stimulus that activity to choose authentically. So instead of just saying yes, because you can doesn't mean you should, but let's just you know, that you give yourself another option, so that whatever action you take that action is fully authentic. So I call it authentic inaction. Because whether it's a second or a minute or a year, for me, like sitting with the decision to leave my corporate life, what didn't happen and you know, a moment it was probably over the course of a year of deep reflection, some research, right, a lot of other things to really make that decision at the right time in my life. And that is authentic inaction. I wasn't deciding I wasn't doing I wasn't committing I wasn't getting myself obligated to something that didn't need me to By the way, like there was nothing driving me no urgency that wasn't coming from me. Maybe that's another thing is that we think everything is urgent, because again, that's a societal habit, habit or pattern of the world at large. Everything needs to know now, right? We need to keep eating because then we got to move on to the next thing. So that's a myth, I guess I would call it it's a myth that the world needs to know right now. It doesn't.

Lauren Gabrielle Foster:

It doesn't. Most of the time it does. The other world that I work in, in the sales world, we deliberately create a sense of urgency to get people to buy you know in advertising and marketing, and promoting businesses, and yeah, it's a, I resist urgency.

Renee' Dineen:

I love that. I think that's right, resist the myth around urgency. So you say you don't save $10 by buying now,

Unknown:

right? Now,

Renee' Dineen:

you probably won't buy it at all, if you waited, and maybe you'll save $1,000

Unknown:

Oh, that's awesome.

Renee' Dineen:

There's a good example of a creating pressure to say yes, you know, by making things so tempting. And no, it's like, oh, it sounds good. And I should want that more. But again, we've lost touch I talked about it creates physical manifestation. It really does damage relationships. But it also then I think this overdoing or you're doing life having you creates a loss of our truest sense of self and self worth. And that's why that's my message is you know, you who you are, what you have, and what you've done is already enough. Already, yeah,

Lauren Gabrielle Foster:

this is a good time to talk about the different types of doers to help our listeners identify if they fall into any of these categories. And then we'll, we'll talk about then, after that, I want to be sure that we give some actionable things that people can start on right now to start embracing and a different way of thinking, you know, whether it's labeling it as an addiction, whatever the the next steps are, though.

Renee' Dineen:

Yeah. So when I realized when I named doing as an addiction, I started to look around and saw myself surrounded by other doing that. And I started to get curious, around what we had in common with was this addiction to doing but more importantly, like, what were our deeper seated reasons, like what was feeding the addiction, when you do addiction work with substance abuse, you know, they're, they're often it could be genetic, but there's usually a trauma, you know, something that happens, that triggers a need to numb out or cope or whatever that looks like. And so, we all have, we're all addicted to something, we're all overly attached to something. So for me, it was, you know, my to do list. Um, so I named five doors are kind of doing attics archetypes in a way. So the first one is the achieving door. And they really do to be acknowledged, you know who they are, what they do is so connected, so dependent on each other, that it becomes a real symbol of self worth. And so they're on to the next thing, what can I do now to prove myself to be seen as credible to be seen as important, etc. So that's the achieving door, then we have the avoiding door, and they do to kind of put at bay or keep distance from the tougher, bigger, challenging things that are wanting their attention. So they just stay busy. And they kind of numb out in the busy and put the bigger stuff off. So you can start to see you get something from it. But it also takes something and so being aware of those tensions, the third is the controlling door. They do because they want it done and usually don't want to wait for anyone else to do it. So there's a urgency, a lack of patience, a lack of trust in others ways of doing things potentially, and a way to be in control. If I do it, it'll get done, right. Like, I know, I can count on me. So that feeds the controlling door. The fourth is, there's the supporting door. And we think about the supporting career as the one who is gifted at being of service. Right? They do, because they're really they do for others. And they're really good at it. And they get affirmed because of that, right? They these are the more than the people pleasers. These are the I really say you are gifted at supporting others, but that is not at the detriment to yourself. And oftentimes they do then run very empty and don't ask for anything in return. And then they end up resentful, etc. And then the fifth that I talked about is the perfecting door. And they do because they want it done a certain way. And their standards are really high. You know, and yet no matter how well it's done. It's never good enough. So they leave they're always living with this tension of like, oh, it could have been better. shoulda woulda coulda a lot of shoulds he said some words that you don't like. So that's, that's the perfecting door. So we all share commitments, deadlines, right events, things that we need to show up for and other things we really want to show up for. But the question is, do we have our doing life? Or does it have us and are we aware of our reasons for overdoing and and i believe until we get aware of what's feeding that addiction, it's hard to intervene, you know, it's hard to shift anything. So I offer that as a way to identify with that kind of feeder feeder pool in a way so that you intervene at the right level and in the right way so that you can sustain your, you know, undoing of your doing life and in the ways that it's not healthy in a way that lasts over time. You know, it's not just a bandaid, so that's why I offer those things.

Lauren Gabrielle Foster:

So so the one of the things that I teach is to always have a, have a strong vision of the type of life that you want to build, you know, in, in every area, your health, your relationships, your, you know, where you live, what you do with your time, and, you know, kind of being the person who is living that life. And then to me, this makes decision making really easy, because you could say, okay, is this is saying yes to this going to lead me in the direction of my dream and the person that I am and want to be? Or is it not? And that that just kind of takes some of the pressure off, because you have this like rudder for your ship that helps you to steer and make choices that way. I like it. I like it very, very much. Okay, so let's assume that we have decided that we've we have this addiction on the door. And a lot of the women that I see are that fall into that. What was the next to the last category?

Renee' Dineen:

Um, achieving, avoiding, controlling, perfecting, and supporting the supporting one,

Lauren Gabrielle Foster:

supporting and

Unknown:

controlling her

Lauren Gabrielle Foster:

perfecting? I think more because like that, you know, they want things a certain way, and nobody else is going to do it. I mean, that might be the controlling, because

Renee' Dineen:

there's control in both of those. But yeah, I yeah.

Lauren Gabrielle Foster:

And for what what do you do about the thing that the things that must get done? What What is your advice for? I mean, I, I have my philosophy because there's nothing that has to be done. But when you did, you know, you spend all day doing and doing and doing, you fall into bed exhausted and depleted, and, you know, haven't managed to bring an ounce of joy out of your day, because it was awful of laundry and, and chasing kids and whatever. All of these things are, what's the solution? Where do you start to do a different way?

Renee' Dineen:

Yeah, you know, so once you sort of looked yourself in the mirror, and like, oh, there I am, okay, this is taking more than it's giving, right? It's, I'm using it, to numb out to something to avoid something to control something. So I want greater ease flow and grace, right, I want access to joy I want I want to be able to rest, I want sleep to be a priority. So you know, those are all the things that you're hungry for. And you're ready to sort of be hungrier for those things than the others, you know, the other things that have been feeding you. I think there's a step then of, I would say, like, start with what's right in front of you. So one, practice, make a list, right? three categories, keep it simple. What what are you currently doing that feeds you, what depletes you and what's completely sucking the soul out of you? Right? then looking at that list and kind of looking for themes and outliers, you know? And in my TED talk, I said, you know, do you host a holiday dinner? a monthly dinner every month, but you hate it? Is that what you're doing? Like you've committed and you feel like you can't back out? Why not rotate it to somebody else? Why don't just say, you know what, guys, I got other things I want to do. And I gotta take this off, right? Most people understand, they really In fact, they respect you for having good boundaries and making calls for yourself that serve the whole of your life, I probably look you in the eye, I promise you, you will still be loved, I promise you, you will be still revered right? Like all those things will not go away. I think the second then is to decide what are the things that I've been wanting to do that are calling me that want my attention? My heart, my my time? My effort? Where are those on that list? How much space and time am I giving those? You know, in another part of the reflection is? What are the things I'm kind of half doing? Because I'm just overloaded that that I want to do more of and therefore what can I take off my list? So it becomes an internal negotiation. But I think there is an analytical step you can take by looking at it all and starting to categorize it in a way that drives decisions around what you're going to do and not do. And then I think the second practice, and I already mentioned is being very in touch with when a new like you're in a project meeting and someone says hey, we have a new project coming up who wants to lead this? Instead of being like I will write that sounds fun. I'll do that right pause. Do I want to do that? How does that fit with where I'm going? Do I have time to do that? Am I the right person to do that? Just a couple questions. And even if you want to do it, but you know you shouldn't right like getting in touch enough with what you're really up to you next time that that stimulus or that invitation is in front of you and you know you'll know what to do you know to do or not to do you'll you'll choose yes or you'll choose no and hopefully Lay over time, you'll feel good about that it's going to hurt at first. It just is, it's like starting a new workout routine, it just hurts at first. But once you've ran a mile, and then you run too much, right, you're like, Oh my gosh, two weeks ago, I couldn't even run a mile. It feeds itself in healthier and more, I think enriching and sustainable ways, but you got to get the first bit of tires, like any addiction is hard. I'm not gonna lie, it's not easy.

Lauren Gabrielle Foster:

And it will be very easy to fall back into that habit as well. It's, I mean, how many years has it been for you and I, I suspect, when we talk again, in 10 years, you will still be in recovery, because we never get it done. You know, we're, we're always expanding and evolving. And

Renee' Dineen:

yeah, and again, these these things feed us in certain ways, but they take in other ways. And that's why I always say, like, maybe in my 20s, and I'm speaking, if you have an audience of women or men in your 20s 30s 40s, is, there's no perfect time. You know, it's, it's not like, Oh, darn, I'm in my 50s, I missed it, what have I done with 30 years of my life like, that doesn't that's not helpful. And like, to be in a life of choice to like, be like, fully in touch with who you are, and what you're up to. And what it is, you really want to effort is so empowering. And so enriching, and you will get so much more out of those, you know, three things in the 30 things that shortly after you get through that hard period of rewiring your brain and your nervous system, to be able to say no, some people just innately don't like the word now. So you might need to get over that hump, it starts to feed you in the, you know, like, start feeding you again, where you're like,

Unknown:

Oh, that's eating better.

Renee' Dineen:

You know, that's, that's when you know, you've sort of got over the hump, and you likely are, have, um, do you know, undone the doing enough in your own kind of do crazy world to sustain that way of life going forward, and you might fall back? That's okay, too. It's all part of it, you know, it's part of the human condition.

Lauren Gabrielle Foster:

That's right, it just start again, every single that I can make new choices every single minute. Okay, so we, you were unhappy, your, your relationships were struggling, you were having physical manifestations, new mail, these changes, now, tell us some of the great things that you're experiencing, because of making the decision to live your life in this different way.

Renee' Dineen:

So I have a practice, coaching and consulting practice, and I don't work more than 20 hours a week. So that's a big deal. And I make pretty much the same amount of money. So, um, you know, saying yes, to the right things, and being really clear with my clients about the work that I want to do, I, I say brave enough to do the deepest work with those who never thought they could, I want to do deep work, I want to work with leaders who want me to ask the tougher questions to really on almost, you know, unravel a team's current functioning and, and have them come into greater contact and greater intimacy and greater vulnerability. So that's my deeper work. And I can't do that 60 hours a week, that would be exhausting for everyone. So really choosing work that needs my my best attention and, and not overdoing it. So that's one big change. So what that means for the rest of my time, I have two kids that are now 13 and 15. Obviously, we've been in this year together, where we've all had to be more present in our homes, and in our children, schoolwork, and being able to take to school and sports and just be able to do that without like being on a call on the car, or feeling resentful, because you know, I got to drive everyone around, and I have 10 other things that I'm need to do. I'm just feeling that pressure of constantly people having demands of me and expectations and knowing that it's just a matter of time before I drop a ball or many balls, like I don't live with that angsty anymore. I you know, not this year, but we're big travelers. And just being able to take six weeks off in the summer, two weeks off at Spring Break. I take the ski break in February, I just was off. We went skiing went to the wine country. And so just being able to do things like more life, leisure, and the quality in my friendships, just being able I was at dinner last night with some girlfriends and just being fully present. My phone was in my purse like nothing else is on my mind except the conversation that I'm that I'm in. So I can't imagine how I lived otherwise. But that's just some examples of how I'm living today. And that makes me happy.

Lauren Gabrielle Foster:

Yeah, beautiful. If you're able to be in the moment and really enjoy everything that's happening right this second without thinking ahead or thinking to the things that you forgot to do or you didn't get to Yeah, that's such a nicer way to live and healthier and all that great stuff.

Renee' Dineen:

All right, well, funny little thing I used to do to do lists. And then I add things that I already did that I didn't put on my list just so I could check them off, right? For the most part, like I have a monthly to do list, not a daily,

Unknown:

right? And that

Renee' Dineen:

monthly, I'm like, What are the things like right client and personal and these are like the main and like, before I needed a whole page for a

Unknown:

day. Like, I

Renee' Dineen:

can't imagine how I did that for so long. So like, once a month, I sit down, I review it. I mean, I know some of your listeners that might be like, That's crazy. And maybe some of your jobs absolutely demanded to do list every day. So but it's just one symbol that I'm not overloaded is that I don't have to keep a daily to do list.

Lauren Gabrielle Foster:

Lovely. I love it very much. All right. Awesome. Well, is there i think that that's a good time. And is there anything else you want to add before we say goodbye?

Renee' Dineen:

No, I you'll see where to find me in my notes. I'm new on Instagram. But that's where I'm I'm really the most active right now and kind of posting stuff around this topic. And then my website authentic inaction.com under Resources, I have scoured the landscape and put articles meditations, journals, books, Ted Talks, podcasts that all speak to this topic related topic, which covers you know, stress and burnout and saying no, and boundaries and all the other things that touch it. So hopefully you feel that's all out there free to you. And I really am on a mission to demystify our obsession with being busy and to improve the health and well being and the access to grace, freedom and joy. So I really appreciate being on your show. I think your message is right on and I loved my time with you. So thank you.

Lauren Gabrielle Foster:

Thank you. Thank you so much for being here. So again, the book is the art and truth of transformation. For women. The website is authentic, inaction, calm, where she's curated all of this great material for us. And again, all of this is listed in the show notes below. So we'll say goodbye to Renee, and I'm going to be back with another great guest next week. I never have that in my head at this time, but promises to be fantastic. So in the meantime, remember that happiness is choice, and you can always choose to be happy first. I'll see you next week.

Unknown:

Bye.